Denial

Like the poor pilgrim of John Bunyan's allegory, I have been carrying a burden. That burden is the knowledge of my denial of Christ. I am so like Peter. Zest for Christ. Denial in trials. Bitter tears in truth.

"You aren't one of this man's disciples too, are you?" she asked Peter.
He replied, "I am not."
John 18:17

Again, like Peter the denial was in my words and actions. Declaring loudly, "I am not." ....just as clear as if those had been my exact words. Meaning conveyed.  My heart didn't. My mind didn't. YET in focusing on me and my circumstance....I left the Counselor and fretted to boil. Battling the weak flesh gate and not asking for the Holy Spirit to be strong in my weakness, my family witnessed what a Christ follower doesn't say or do. I praise my Jesus, THE MERCIFUL, for rescuing me from self justification and worldly standards. To the world it would be nothing, but to Christ disappointment and grief. I know Truth. It pains me. But TRUTH has the power of the CROSS. I am so unworthy of the call to follow in His Steps. Who am I, to disciple anyone? Can glory really be found in my flesh. Even in denial.

So they asked him, "You aren't one of his disciples too, are you?"
He denied it, saying, "I am not."
...."Didn't I see you with him in the garden?"
Again Peter denied it, and at that moment a rooster began to crow.
John 18:25-26

I think it did take three melt downs drowning in outbursts for me to hear the rooster crow this week. The first was brushed off my shoulders as mild and justified. The second was mended and a bit justified. The third time, my heart was crushed with conviction. I'm sure more sin was in my life this week, but God had His focus of surgery. He got out the Big Knife!

"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD:
Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn:"
Isaiah 51:1


I believe denial takes many forms. Living Truth or not. Am I in agreement with the WORD? Is this what Jesus would do or say? Did I ask my Lord? Did I seek my Lord? Did I wait upon my Lord? Am I really following? Is any part of my life off limits to following? Do I reflect Jesus? Do I bring Him glory? Do I lift Him up drawing others to Him?

Ezra had committed himself to studying the Revelation of GOD, to living it, and to teaching Israel to live its truths and ways.
Ezra 7:10  The Message

"This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is."
John 3:19 The Message

It isn't just sin...It's to DENY the CHRIST. The Holy Spirit has made it easy for me to understand without all the static of feelings or rationalization interfering. Late as I am to seek Him. HE IS FAITHFUL to hear and bless me with understanding, offer peace, restoration and a little heart to heart with Himself, The Creator.

Psalm 85 The Message
God, you smiled on your good earth! You brought good times back to Jacob!
You lifted the cloud of guilt from your people,
     you put their sins far out of sight.
You took back your sin-provoked threats,
     you cooled your hot, righteous anger.
Help us again, God of our help;
     don't hold a grudge against us forever.
You aren't going to keep this up, are you?
     scowling and angry, year after year?
Why not help us make a fresh start-a resurrection life?
     Then your people will laugh and sing!
Show us how much you love us, GOD!
     Give us the salvation we need!

I can't wait to hear what he'll say.
     GOD's about to pronounce his people well,
The holy people he loves so much,
     so they'll never again live like fools.
See how close his salvation is to those who fear him?
     Our country is home base for Glory!

Love and Truth meet in the street,
     Right Living and Whole Living embrace and kiss!
Truth sprouts green from the ground,
     Right Living pours down from the skies!
Oh yes! GOD gives Goodness and Beauty;
     our land responds with Bounty and Blessing.
Right Living strides out before him,
     and clears a path for his passage.